From the moment she went to a lawyer, she promised herself she'd never look back.
She carried a quote in her wallet everyday, she made herself read it multiple times.
"Don't look back your not going that way. You may stumble on something you left behind."
Especially, so on the days she felt immobilized by fear, unsure of whether she could make it through, she read and re-read it. It wasn't until she was established in her new and independent life that she allowed herself to glance back, from where she had come. She did so with clear eyes and realized just how far she had come , once she had made up her mind. She got the word "Believe" tattooed on her wrist. It was a word that had carried her through the worst of her marriage, and what sustained her when she left. She also had "Truly, Madly, Deeply" tattooed in Arabic beneath. Belief is an amazing thing. It is, however, fleeting if you don't fully commit to its existence. You must truly, madly, deeply - Believe - and it will come. She was the perfect example. She had crawled out from beneath the rubble of his vicious verbal abuse. She had regained many things over the past several months. She had unearthed her dignity buried deeply beneath all the dysfunction. Her power came flowing back after years of feeling powerless and trapped. She discovered that her humor was indeed intact although it had been dormant and lay hidden by all the turmoil within their marriage. She didn't need to look back, more than once, to know that she had conquered what had seemed impossible for so long. Now, she optimistically, looked forward to a positive future filled with hope and promise. She realized that she had earned herself the mark of a strong and fiercely confident woman who had survived. She'd come a long way. She had propelled herself forward every day, because she ..BELIEVED!!!
She remembered the first time she saw his anger. The words rushed out of his mouth fast and furiously with a tone thick with a venom and rage disproportionate to the event which had preceded it. She recalled the way he seethed at her and how his body shook with a fury so solid it was palpable. She recoiled physically, from the way he hurled insults at her and demeaned her. The words stung her psyche and soul like a poisonous dart. Each vicious word that he spewed at her rapid fire, impaled her confidence and her self-esteem. Each time he peppered her with insults and abusive names she felt her sense of self...deflating. He diminished her capacity to be independent with his constant criticism. Eventually, the angry man completely took control of all that was within his reach. His power, at home, became absolute. She defended herself, their children, her position all in effort to stifle the anger, or at least minimize it. Her attempts seldom, if ever worked, and often only served to fan the flames of his disproportionate rage. She also was an expert at camouflage. The people around them, except for a sacred few, were unaware of the turmoil within their marriage. She painted a facade to outsiders that her life was fine. While internally, she was only a few steps away, at any given time, one more vicious blow-out away, from a divorce. Initially, in the beginning of the relationship she tried hard to pretend that the hurtful and caustic words didn't matter. It wasn't until she bore multiple scars from the verbal abuse that she knew they were the marks of a very angry man. He had marked her soul indefinitely, by an anger so pervasive it had not only ended their marriage, but made her question her worth and wonder if she'd ever truly find happiness with any other person.
We all savor those big beautiful, glowing events in our lives. The events that capture the spotlight and take center stage. We live for those times! Sometimes they are planned and sometimes they just appear. Caught by surprise or planning, big events thrill us.
When they happen it’s easy to get carried away in euphoria that we start looking for the next big moment that will carry us away or at the very least, leave us breathless.
And sometimes that spotlight shines on the tragedies of our lives. Sometimes it is the loss and overwhelming despair that holds your attention. And we wait for the next shoe to drop, for the next big tragic event that will hold our attention, our light, our space.
In either instance, it is important to take a moment when either the euphoria or the grief ebbs just a little – to notice the moments in between. These are the quiet moments. The subtle shifts and thought live here, they don’t seek attention because their role is to carry you quietly and effortlessly to the next big thing. Whether it is joy or tears, the big events will come, but the quiet moments in between will embrace you, they will renew you and they will be a refuge. Those moments that we’re so fixed in happiness that they flowed smoothly, easily and with subconscious eloquence.
Pay attention just as acutely to those moments when you breathe deep – slow the anxiety just enough to realize the simplicity of the moment and your place in the universe to give you courage and to move forward.
We all know when we internalize one of those rare, stupendous, crazily miraculous moments, almost frozen in time, crystallizing in our brain, that marks our soul indefinitely..alternatively, there are also those moments of tremendous sorrow or grief. These crisis points are often coupled with overwhelming pain and heartache. These experiences also mark pivotal points in our life's journey .People can also leave indelible marks on our hearts and souls, for both wonderful and painful reasons....so, markers come in many forms. And all of them are Soul Markers.