He screamed at her that he wanted a divorce a million times. In his rages he would spew that she was impossible, crazy, needed help and he wanted a divorce. She prayed every time that he actually meant it. It would have been so much easier if he would just walk away. He never followed through.She always knew she would have to be the strong one and leave him. He knew people would not understand his abrupt departure and would question it hard. When he still maintained absolute control - he was overly confident that she would never leave him. For many years - he was correct. It took a very long time for her to develop the strength to divorce him. So, although he told her hundreds of times he wanted out - he never made a move to actually do it. Inevitably, she knew that this too would become her sole responsibility. All the years of their marriage she had spent countless hours picking up the pieces from his meltdowns - trying to piece the family back together the best that she could. If they were to be divorced - she realized, it would have to be her decision. She wasn't sure at first, exactly when that process would start but she knew that she was at the end of every last vestige of her patience. He had a massive meltdown one day, over the cellar window getting broken. It was a silly and innocuous accident. It was really no big deal and would cost very little to fix. As usual, it didn't take much for him to go "nuclear" and take all of them down the raging spiral of his anger. This tantrum would prove no different in that regard. Take them down, he did. He escalated to the point of seething rage. She could tell this was a bad one and that they were in for a battle of gargantuan proportion. She knew the signs by now. She tried talking softly, calmly trying to soothe the savage, angry and unmanageable beast before her. Nothing worked and he was getting angrier. Finally, he exploded, calling her all the same derogatory names, swearing and hurling insults at her. At last he said, "I want a f***ing divorce." Her reply came out before she even realized she was answering him. "That will be the last time you ever tell me that you want a divorce. I'm done!" She felt it deep within her soul. She was finally finished with him, his rage and his narcissism. She had turned the proverbial corner. It was the mark of the end - at long last.
Your off on your own, for the first time.I know in many ways your more than ready, and in others your probably just a teeny tiny bit worried that you may have to google some basics - just to stay afloat....So, here are some tips -- cuz I wont be downstairs or a twenty minute drive away....
An Alarm Clock -- is a useful thing..use it!!! Even if you set alarm on your phone -- shit happens - a backup is critical...:)
Laundry -- Do it!! Nothing makes a room smell worse than "ripe' running clothes or wet towels that have been left to fester in your hamper..One laundry pod goes in first -- then a nice heap of your laundry. No sorting of clothing or colors is necessary. Follow washer instructions - your golden..Then pop in dryer -- and voila, clean clothes, fresh towels...And there is nothing better than clean sheets.. Enough said!!!
Food - Eat!!Three meals are important.You have a meal plan, an awesome dining hall and type 1 diabetes....Eat healthy and well..Bon Apetit!! And, don't forget to eat a cookie or more than one slice of pizza, every once in awhile..
Door Stopper -- Why you ask, do you have one? Moving in and out it's essential.. And in college, open doors are friendly invites....So, leave yours open -- sometimes...:)
Calls -- You'll be busy with class, enjoying your independence, social activities, new friends and all that college has to offer. However, I'd love to hear your voice on occasion -- and know that your ok...In short, don't forget to call/text me -- at least once in awhile...Luv u...--
Last but not least....Your more than ready for this new adventure. I'm excited for you to begin this wonderful new phase of your life, this adventure. I will miss your face in the morning, or more like in the afternoon - lol..:) I will miss your voice calling "Mom" from your room, your insightful opinions on just about everything happening in the world, as we know it. I will miss your sarcastic, no holds barred, comedic slant on all our world events. I will miss hearing how all your stories/scripts are unfolding, in that crazy ass creative brain of yours. I will miss you asking, "what's for dinner?" Most of all - I will miss you -- This is how it is supposed to go, though....It is bittersweet, as a parent, to know that all that used to be will be forever changed with the departure to college. I couldn't be happier that it's finally your turn!! It hasn't been the easiest road that has delivered you here, but you have made it!! I'm proud of you!! Be happy!! Embrace this adventure - it's sure to be the experience of a lifetime! Be bold..Believe in yourself..Smile..And, know this for sure --your mom loves you -- and will miss you!! Know unequivocally -- there is no question too big or small, that only your mother can answer -- so, remember, -- I'm only a text away..Choose happy wherever and whenever you can...And, of course, make good choices...I love you..