The Mark Of Isolation

She didn't reach out to her friends or family, for that matter, in the beginning. She felt ashamed that she felt cowardly in the face of his tirades. She questioned herself and she knew if she talked out loud about it he would turn it on her, that she was ruining his "perfect persona".We cant look in the eyes of those we are closest to and admit what goes on behind closed doors at home. We can't acknowledge the fear and apprehension that they see in our eyes. She learned to downplay his volatility if it began to seep out from under the facade. She didn't question his absolute authority.  She had mastered the art of being subservient. She never used the word abusive to describe his behaviors. He perceives himself as powerful, authoritative, in control and is indignant and insulted by the term as a reflection of himself. She did not want to define herself as abused. She rationalized, justified, defended his behavior so that she could live with herself and make him feel better about his unconscionable flaw. It becomes a toxic and unhealthy cycle of destruction. She was alone in what she perceived as her own failure, for a very long time. She blamed herself, believed his accusations that she instigated every outburst. It took years for her to come to terms with the reality of the cycle of verbal abuse. It was when she finally let her guard down enough, divulged the unspeakable family secret, to a sacred few -- that was the beginning of getting herself and her life back. The veil of secrecy lifted just enough to shed the mark of isolation.        

---