She had always been a firm believer in the power of words. She knew how important they were. She was articulate, intelligent and generally chose her words with compassion, care and caution. She believed it to be of paramount importance to choose words that didn't inflict pain or hurt but were positive and uplifting... Even if the message was corrective.When she interacted with any of the rest of the world she was able to get her point across and was expressive, lucid and eloquent. People complimented her frequently on her sharp wit, humor and wonderful way with words. It wasn't until she was immersed for a few years, in her marriage that she began to realize how hard he worked at silencing her. She loved to write. She found her inner voice through writing. Often, she would work through many issues by putting pen to paper first. She had always felt extraordinarily comfortable and confident with being able to express herself both verbally and through writing. She had tried in vain for years to use her words to persuade, coerce, convince him that his words, his vitriol, was angry, vulgar, demoralizing and humiliating. He remained unconvinced. She grew all too familiar with the power of the harshest and most caustic words spoken in an angry rage. His words slowly overpowered hers in almost all situations. When they first met she wrote constantly.--She journaled..As time went by, she did less and less. Her life became overshadowed by his temper. As the verbal abuse escalated, she once again sought refuge in her writing. She was hoping to pull any measure of solace she could through her written tableau. She felt like all she had ever believed in...the power of words...had betrayed her. Her words, as articulate and accurate as they may have been did nothing to convince him to change his behavior. She felt for the first time in her life that her words had failed her. She functioned from that place for a long time. She went to a solitary place of few words and silence, for the most part. She knew no other course of action against his intimidation and abusive temperament. His voice had silenced hers. It wasn't until recently, with her past firmly behind her, that she once again felt and believed in the virtue of her own words. The further she got from him, and their past, the more she found the words flowing from seemingly all directions. She felt powerful in her voice, and strong enough to write it all down. Her voice was no longer mute. The mark of silence had been broken.
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AuthorLori Paris is a mother of two adult children, she is a writer, a teacher, a student of the human condition and a fellow traveler. Archives
July 2016
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